i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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