I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
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