I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
