omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
