she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
