He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
