There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
fuck your aforementioned shoe
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize