is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
