Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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