Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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