Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize