Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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