he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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