got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
