He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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