i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
