Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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