i need an iv and a liver transplant
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
