fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
