Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
