We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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