the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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