Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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