in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
