Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
