I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
