I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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