Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You dont lie about slip and slides
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
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