I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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