Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
