I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
