My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
