he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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