we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
