so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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