thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
