If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
