It's like God shit irony all over that family
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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