can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
