dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
They took my balls.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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