Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
