and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
