no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize