Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I AM VODKA MAN
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
