i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
