Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Randomize
