There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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