So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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