you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
