I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
