i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize