before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
