Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Even my vagina gasped.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
