covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
