she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
