But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
