I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
