hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
