tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
