I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
