I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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