she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
