To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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