Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Do vagina's smell?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
