Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
