hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
