About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
