there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
