Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
birth control should be required to get into college
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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