best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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