I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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