Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize