I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
