Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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