UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
